The fear of the unknown...

Well it all started last Monday at my 20 week appt. when I found out that the precious baby I am carrying is a BABY GIRL! While most people, including myself, get super excited about finding out the sex, you tend to forget about what that appt. is really for. It is a whole anatomy ultrasound to make sure your baby is growing correctly, in brain size, has all chambers of the heart, all limbs measure normal, has 2 ears, a mouth, and a nose....etc.! Well that appt. was never that important to me until now, until the Doctors told me....BEFORE they told me it was a GIRL......that my baby was measuring small and that the baby has a 2 vessel cord.

The baby measuring small wasn't a HUGE worry to me b/c Braylen did as well and they monitored her the last month based on her size. But the 2 vessel cord was very foreign to me. What it is? The baby normally has a 3 vessel cord- 2 arteries, and 1 vein - mine has 1 artery and 1 vein. Still what does that tell me....? Naturally I was scared and nervous and worried...you name it....didn't really know what to think, especially since they wanted to send me to a FETAL specialist for more detailed checking and monitoring.

So last Monday was a LONG day outside of hearing fun GIRL news.....it was also SAD to me because you want everything to be so perfect. I mean, I try to be such a HEALTHY person...what was I doing wrong to make this baby have some abnormalities?

Well, Grant and I went to the FETAL specialist this past Friday.....the appt. was 4 hours long....NO JOKE! Anyways, you get checked in and they do their routine weight, questions, etc. and then you go back to the ultrasound room. All I could think was, here we go again! And, that is exactly what happened. The synographer did all her DETAILED work in the ultrasound (and of course....this ultrasound was way more intense and detailed and clear on what was what.) She didn't do much talking but it took about an hour and then she left the room to get the doctor. I am assuming they also were dicussing all the photos taken and to confirm why I was sent there anyways. So they both enter the room again, and they definitely confirm the 2 vessel cord, they talked about the size for a while...trying to figure out if the dates were possibly wrong since the baby was measuring smaller.....but figured that wasn't the case, it is just probably because of the 2 vessel cord. Then he starts to chime in....well we also found some urine in the kidney. Supposively the baby already has some urine in the kidney but they felt like my baby had a little more than normal. EKKK.....I am very nervous to hear that because that is just another negative going against this pregnancy.

He then starts to talk about how their are 3 abnormalites going against a normal pregnancy and we feel like we should do an Amniocentesis test. I remember learning about that with Braylen and never wanted to get to that point....and now...here I was. What this test does, is it helps identify the 5 chromosomes that determine whether your child has down syndrome or not, it is a test for chromisonial abnormalties. Hearing this, my heart is melting and I am now crushed because the doctor feels that this is the next step to take to determine if my baby possibly has more abnormalities due to what we have already learned about the baby. As he was talking, I literally CHECKED out....i was crying, sad, confused, hurt, mad...all these crazy feelings......fortunately Grant was still in tune to listen to what was being said and needed to be heard....he filled me in later. So as the time went by, we chose to have that test/procedure done that day....just get it done with so we could have faster results. My heart was telling me to wait but my brain/gut was saying, just do it Sarah! The procedure was small....they stuck a BIG needle in my uterus on my stomach and withdrew some fluid/urine out. This is what they will test the chromosomes with. As they did this.....mild cramping occurs and then they ask for no activity for 24-48 hours as there is still cramping.....but tylenol helped mine...but DEFINITELY didn't help my train of thought.

As we finally left that appt. I was an emotional wreck.....just couldn't pull it together.....which is natural....I would hope, only because I was scared of the fear of the unknown. I know it is in GODS hands and I was willing to accept his challenge and let him guide my family to where he wanted us to be.....but I was also mad and sad at the same time.

The weekend was LONG to say the least....I thought about the results every minute of every hour and tried to stay busy not to think....but it was hard not to. Last night, I didn't get good sleep because I knew I would find out results today...or I was hoping for results! All day today, I was just anticipating their call. It was about 11:00 and they called......to SCHEDULE my NEXT VISIT....urghhhhh....not what I wanted to hear! I mean I know now, regardless of outcome, that I am a regular patient to the FETAL specialist based on the 2 vessel cord but I wanted to HEAR the other stuff. Well, results weren't in....so, of course, I cried....AGAIN! And then....2:00 this afternoon, the nurse called to talk to me about the results. She went over all 5 of the chromosomes and how their numbers came back. They all came back NORMAL.....whewwww! I was RELIEVED beyond belief but still somewhat SAD that my baby still has some abnormalities. So as of today...there is a 99% chance that all is good in the down syndrome department.....that this baby won't have any of those affects, but that doesn't always mean everything is sweet as candy.

There is so much more that I could go on and on about but that is it based in a NUT SHELL. I won't know more till in a couple of weeks at my next appt with the specialist on my precautions etc. but as of today they said I could go on my daily routine and activity...so that is what I am doing! Please continue to pray for this baby that she is healthy and strong and please keep Grant and I in your prayers that we will be able to face any challenge God gives us and will be the best parents to this baby regardless of the outcome.

Love to all!