The fear of the unknown...

Well it all started last Monday at my 20 week appt. when I found out that the precious baby I am carrying is a BABY GIRL! While most people, including myself, get super excited about finding out the sex, you tend to forget about what that appt. is really for. It is a whole anatomy ultrasound to make sure your baby is growing correctly, in brain size, has all chambers of the heart, all limbs measure normal, has 2 ears, a mouth, and a nose....etc.! Well that appt. was never that important to me until now, until the Doctors told me....BEFORE they told me it was a GIRL......that my baby was measuring small and that the baby has a 2 vessel cord.

The baby measuring small wasn't a HUGE worry to me b/c Braylen did as well and they monitored her the last month based on her size. But the 2 vessel cord was very foreign to me. What it is? The baby normally has a 3 vessel cord- 2 arteries, and 1 vein - mine has 1 artery and 1 vein. Still what does that tell me....? Naturally I was scared and nervous and worried...you name it....didn't really know what to think, especially since they wanted to send me to a FETAL specialist for more detailed checking and monitoring.

So last Monday was a LONG day outside of hearing fun GIRL news.....it was also SAD to me because you want everything to be so perfect. I mean, I try to be such a HEALTHY person...what was I doing wrong to make this baby have some abnormalities?

Well, Grant and I went to the FETAL specialist this past Friday.....the appt. was 4 hours long....NO JOKE! Anyways, you get checked in and they do their routine weight, questions, etc. and then you go back to the ultrasound room. All I could think was, here we go again! And, that is exactly what happened. The synographer did all her DETAILED work in the ultrasound (and of course....this ultrasound was way more intense and detailed and clear on what was what.) She didn't do much talking but it took about an hour and then she left the room to get the doctor. I am assuming they also were dicussing all the photos taken and to confirm why I was sent there anyways. So they both enter the room again, and they definitely confirm the 2 vessel cord, they talked about the size for a while...trying to figure out if the dates were possibly wrong since the baby was measuring smaller.....but figured that wasn't the case, it is just probably because of the 2 vessel cord. Then he starts to chime in....well we also found some urine in the kidney. Supposively the baby already has some urine in the kidney but they felt like my baby had a little more than normal. EKKK.....I am very nervous to hear that because that is just another negative going against this pregnancy.

He then starts to talk about how their are 3 abnormalites going against a normal pregnancy and we feel like we should do an Amniocentesis test. I remember learning about that with Braylen and never wanted to get to that point....and now...here I was. What this test does, is it helps identify the 5 chromosomes that determine whether your child has down syndrome or not, it is a test for chromisonial abnormalties. Hearing this, my heart is melting and I am now crushed because the doctor feels that this is the next step to take to determine if my baby possibly has more abnormalities due to what we have already learned about the baby. As he was talking, I literally CHECKED out....i was crying, sad, confused, hurt, mad...all these crazy feelings......fortunately Grant was still in tune to listen to what was being said and needed to be heard....he filled me in later. So as the time went by, we chose to have that test/procedure done that day....just get it done with so we could have faster results. My heart was telling me to wait but my brain/gut was saying, just do it Sarah! The procedure was small....they stuck a BIG needle in my uterus on my stomach and withdrew some fluid/urine out. This is what they will test the chromosomes with. As they did this.....mild cramping occurs and then they ask for no activity for 24-48 hours as there is still cramping.....but tylenol helped mine...but DEFINITELY didn't help my train of thought.

As we finally left that appt. I was an emotional wreck.....just couldn't pull it together.....which is natural....I would hope, only because I was scared of the fear of the unknown. I know it is in GODS hands and I was willing to accept his challenge and let him guide my family to where he wanted us to be.....but I was also mad and sad at the same time.

The weekend was LONG to say the least....I thought about the results every minute of every hour and tried to stay busy not to think....but it was hard not to. Last night, I didn't get good sleep because I knew I would find out results today...or I was hoping for results! All day today, I was just anticipating their call. It was about 11:00 and they called......to SCHEDULE my NEXT VISIT....urghhhhh....not what I wanted to hear! I mean I know now, regardless of outcome, that I am a regular patient to the FETAL specialist based on the 2 vessel cord but I wanted to HEAR the other stuff. Well, results weren't in....so, of course, I cried....AGAIN! And then....2:00 this afternoon, the nurse called to talk to me about the results. She went over all 5 of the chromosomes and how their numbers came back. They all came back NORMAL.....whewwww! I was RELIEVED beyond belief but still somewhat SAD that my baby still has some abnormalities. So as of today...there is a 99% chance that all is good in the down syndrome department.....that this baby won't have any of those affects, but that doesn't always mean everything is sweet as candy.

There is so much more that I could go on and on about but that is it based in a NUT SHELL. I won't know more till in a couple of weeks at my next appt with the specialist on my precautions etc. but as of today they said I could go on my daily routine and activity...so that is what I am doing! Please continue to pray for this baby that she is healthy and strong and please keep Grant and I in your prayers that we will be able to face any challenge God gives us and will be the best parents to this baby regardless of the outcome.

Love to all!

And the NEWEST ADDITION is.......

DRUM ROLL PLEASE.........


A PRECIOUS BABY GIRL!

We are so excited to have another little girl! I would have taken a baby Boy in a heart beat but I have always wanted to have SISTERS and only HOPE/PRAY they share the bonds that Elisabeth, Hannah, and I share!

We are also excited because this baby will be right in sync with all of Braylen's old clothes....the seasons worked out just perfect and I can keep the nursery the same and prepare for Braylen's big girl room....which I am THRILLED about....seriously....can't wait to start putting it together! I would much rather be decorating ONE room rather than TWO.....so YAY for TWO GIRLS!

Braylen will be an EXCELLENT BIG sister to her Baby sister.....! I watch her on a daily basis feed her babies, change their diapers, drive them around in her car, stroll them, sing to them, burp them....you name it....she is VERY observant!

Now....off to figure out what to name this baby girl! We HOPE to have a name soon or before she comes unlike we did with BRAYLEN! :)

Photos of Braylen and US!

Here are some fun pictures that we had done almost 2 weeks ago. We wanted to get a few family photos of us three before the new one arrived and also grab some good ones of Braylen as she has changed so much in the last couple of months!


She did so good.....suprisingly! It was a morning photo shoot and it was HOT.....and the humidity was HIGH. We thought getting out there early would reduce the HEAT but it didn't. I bet we could have had some more good shots and a few outfit changes for Braylen if the weather didn't have us all SWEATING through our clothes. But overall we are very pleased to have some good shots!



Braylen didn't not want to get off this tire swing. I wish we would have saved these shots for last because then it wouldn't have been such a struggle. She was having a blast which made for this part of the photo shoot a lot of fun. Seeing her loving being on the tire swing brought me back to when I use to go to grandmommy's and granddaddy's and granddaddy would push us on the rope swing. It was so much fun because it would go REALLY high........! This is when they lived in Mississippi in the BIG, LONG house! Or at the time, that is what it was to me! Miss that place and love you Grandmom and Granddad!

This family shot is one of the several we all got together and we love this one so much because having her stand there beside us, just made us realize how she is truely transforming into a toddler, little girl stage.....TEARS!!!! She is still our baby though and will ALWAYS be our FIRST BABY and hold that VERY SPECIAL place in our hearts.....TEARS AGAIN!